My Delonte West Anxiety Level (DWAL) has relaxed some over the past few days . . . now that Delonte has, at the very least, been to showing up to training camp.
But that reminds me: It's been a week since Delonte no-showed on the first two mandatory days of camp, or four overall practices, and there's still no word on what was going on with him.
All four absences were unexcused by the team . . . even though Danny Ferry reportedly talked with him on the first day he missed.
That, you would think, would eliminate a medical excuse. Admittedly, though, I'm merely a junior expert on NBA practice excusability.
There's a good chance all this had something to do with his mood disorder (or the medications he's taking for it) . . . but again, you'd think something like that could be excused. It was last year.
Other than that, it's pretty hard to think of reasonable explanation for Delonte's absence . . . but since this is Delonte we're talking about, maybe we should be thinking outside the box.
So we did.
Here are 10 Excuses Delonte May Have Had For His Unexcused Absences:
#10.) He became totally hooked on the "Twilight" books.
When he got home after Media Day, he decided to wind down by reading "Twilight". But once he got started, even Danny Ferry couldn't disengage him until he was through all four books . . . all 2,560 pages. It's that gripping!
#9.) He couldn't get out of his summer job.
Delonte intended on being through with his summer job at a mini golf course in the D.C. area before training camp, but his boss accidentally scheduled him for that week. He tried to get Skyler or Drew to cover for him, but they both had hot dates and couldn't do it.
#8.) He was working on a new KFC rap, and was really in a good groove.
(You knew that was coming.)
#7.) His dog ate his calendar.
The summer had just flown by, but Delonte had a sweet Cavs calendar to remind him basketball season was starting up. Unfortunately, the night before the first practice, his dog ate the calendar and when he got up, he totally forgot he was supposed to be at camp.
. . . #7a.) His dog ate his second calendar.
After Danny called him, Delonte felt so bad about missing practice that he bought a new calendar so that he wouldn't forget again. His dog ate that one too.
#6.) His dog ran away.
Delonte discovered that his dog was missing. He looked everywhere . . . and was concerned that the dog might be sick, since it had been eating calendars recently. So even though Danny wasn't happy about it, he refused to leave home until the dog came back.
#5.) His friends roped him into playing "Cloverleaf Monopoly".
(If you haven't heard of this, which you may not have since I think I just made it up . . . "Cloverleaf Monopoly" is when you play "Monopoly" with four boards at once, all connected by the "Go" squares. It takes over 48 hours to play.)
#4.) He had promised to help Sasha Pavlovic move.
When Sasha found out he was leaving Cleveland, Delonte promised to help him move. Obviously, it didn't have to happen so close to the season. Sasha had many opportunities earlier in the summer, but in true Sasha fashion, he didn't take advantage of them.
#3.) He couldn't one-up himself.
Delonte was under a lot of pressure to make a grand entrance at training camp, but he couldn't think of anything cooler than arriving with a loaded shotgun in a guitar case strapped across his back. (And he'd already done that.) Just putting cupcakes in the guitar case wasn't going to cut it.
#2.) He'd suddenly developed a phobia of group showers.
Delonte suddenly began dreading the idea of showering with the rest of the team after practice. He had worked out a little in the off-season, but wasn't sure if his muscles would be as developed as the rest of the players'.
#1.) He found himself in the middle of a clichéd horror movie.
Delonte was on his way to practice, when he made a wrong turn and ended up in a dark, scary wooded area. But he couldn't leave, because just then, his car broke down. And since this is a contemporary horror movie, he also didn't have cell phone reception.
Just like these people . . .
In that case, an evil creature or slasher type would have captured him and taken him to their evil lair or headquarters or whatever.
There, Delonte was forced to talk to Danny Ferry and tell him that everything was perfectly fine and that he would be at practice as soon as he could.
And he had to make it convincing, or the bad guy said he'd kill him.
That's the best we could come up with. Anyone have any other ideas?
Delonte is one of my favorite players and I don't mean to make light of anything he may be going through, but until we understand a little more about his situation, my "DWAL" will remain at an uncomfortable level.
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